My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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