I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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