I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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