things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
