I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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