If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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