I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
