walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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