Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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