all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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