Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
