I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
