WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
