Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
