Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
