he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
