im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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