thus making me awesome and them whores
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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