just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
