I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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