I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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