Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You are a genius and a whore.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
