My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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