I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
