hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
