Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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