this boner is exhausting
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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