Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
