you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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