Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
