Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
