Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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