im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
two words: eviction party
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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