The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize