i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
