I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
