I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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