But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
