Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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