Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize