Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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