Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
