She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize