I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
