how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
