You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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