i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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