Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
