it hurts more in the daytime
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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