You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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