You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
