Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
