I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize