i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
