Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
