facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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