I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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