We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
