Please, let me fuck your mom
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
