Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
