There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wear drunk well.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
