John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
