I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
