I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
