a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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