I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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