the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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