When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
