My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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