Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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