he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize