my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
