bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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