why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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