we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
