Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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