Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
