my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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