Your tits are I can't wait for
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
