nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
