You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize