Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
