Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
