$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize