I bet he comes in French.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
