I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
