highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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