We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
