When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
