Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
