what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
