WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
