My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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