no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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