I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
