come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
