I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
