matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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