I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize