Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
