Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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