I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize