Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
