So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
