It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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