i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
