so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
