I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
