Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
birth control should be required to get into college
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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