I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
